Uncomfortable…

We pulled into the parking lot overflowing with parents and teenagers.

My stomach was in a gigantic knot as young college kids were directing us where to park.

“You have one hour to unload,” the scrawny college kid tells us as we crack the window open to hear him.

Great, I am thinking. One hour. How in the world will we unload my daughter’s new life in her dorm in just an hour?

45 minutes later, we scurry to the car for the last load of her things.

I hear a huge pop in the sky.

Looking up, I see a rain cloud hovering right over us.

Pop, I hear it again. Lightning flashes and lights up the dark sky.

We make a run for the dorm with arms overflowing with teenage girl stuff. I am sure I dropped a few items on that run back to the dorm.

The second we reach the door, the bottom falls out of the sky. It begins to pour.

Wow, isn’t this fitting.

Just when I think I could not be any more uncomfortable with this situation, rain saturates the college campus.

I want to burst into tears.

This is not how I had planned this college move-in day.

A month earlier, I sat beside my Dad hooked up on a million machines.

It was my turn to spend the night with him in ICU.

I was petrified.

Tubes, machines, strange noises…

What if something happened while I was with him? What if he needed something and I could not help him?

Curled up in a ball looking out at the night sky, I opened my bible and just read from the Psalms.

I was shaking and scared.

Never one to like to be alone, I was seconds away from bolting out the door to head home.

Taking a deep breath, I remembered I had one more tool to help me…

My Bible app on my phone.

Countless times through the years when fear would arise I would turn it on the audio setting. A man with the most comforting and grandfatherly voice would read to me from God’s Word.

Quickly, I found the book of Psalms in my Bible app, and seconds later the grandfatherly voice was reading Psalm 23 over me and my Dad.

My heart started to beat a little slower, my hands stopped shaking.

“The Lord is my Shepherd, He is all that I need….” Psalm 23:1

I ended up sleeping like a baby that night. Sprawled across that hard couch, bible laying across my chest, wooden cross in my hand…I am sure I was quite the sight to those ever-coming-in-the-room nurses.

As I sit here typing this post, I am sitting in my mother-in-law’s den. My husband just left for work, frustrated because he “cannot seem to find anything.”

We are staying here until we move into our new house at the end of the month. It has been a blessing to stay here near my mom and my mother in law, but it has also been uncomfortable at times.

Uncomfortable, because our life is packed away in boxes. Nothing is in order at the moment and it just feels strange.

Several nights I have awakened to a dark room not knowing where in the heck I was.

I am a creature of habit, so I like order in my days. I like structure. I like to do the same thing day in and day out.

This has not been possible for the past couple of months.

With a father in the hospital since July 1st, a daughter starting her freshman year at college and moving into a dorm, a son moving into a new place, and my husband and I living in transition mode…

God has been working on my heart to say the least.

There has been nothing normal this Summer.

Nothing that was ordinary and predictable.

However, He is teaching me through this.

God is showing me that there is growth in being uncomfortable. Real growth.

He is teaching me dependence on Him at a whole different level.

Depending on Him for comfort…not on my circumstances.

I remember back to being 9 months pregnant. Sleeping was uncomfortable, sitting and standing were uncomfortable, riding in a car was uncomfortable…

But, I remember thinking, not much longer.

Not much longer and I will be holding the fruit of all of this uncomfortableness.

The pain, the tears, the hard days…

God will bring the sweetest fruit.

This brings my heart hope.

When we face difficult times, uncomfortable situations, unpredictable days…

Our dependence on God carries us through.

He carries us through.

I know without a doubt, God is doing a work here in all of this. He is shaping my heart and He is creating a dependence on Him like none other.

Prayer has been my lifeline.

I don’t think 5 minutes have gone by without talking to Jesus this Summer. I am not exaggerating.

Friend, are you uncomfortable?

Is there something going on in your life that is unpredictable and unplanned?

Take a deep breath and lean into Jesus.

Read from His Word. Let His Word soothe you and comfort you.

Stop trying to fix it…because you can’t.

Only God can.

Let go and let Him lead you. Surrender all of it to Him.

Do not take another step without asking Him to lead you.

He is trustworthy. He is faithful. He is good.

Become comfortable in being uncomfortable.

Fruit is coming.

uncomfortably comfortable,

jill