Held…

Since I was a very small girl, I remember writing in a journal. My earliest memory of a journal was a light blue notebook with a rainbow on the front of it.

The journal had a little lock and key on it that held all of my deepest thoughts, dreams and prayers.

Not much has changed. I still write in a prayer journal every single day.

Keeping track of prayers, praises, hardships, joys, God moments….those journals are filled up and then some.

These journals are a reminder to my heart of God’s Faithfulness. If I do not write it down, I am afraid my feeble mind and heart will forget.

As I look back just over the last couple of months at my prayer journal, I see a roller coaster of prayers and praises.

Two kids graduating, taking them on a family trip overseas to celebrate, college orientations, selling our beloved home and leaving our sweet community…

To my dad being in ICU for two weeks.

Emotions for days.

My Dad is now in a wonderful rehab facility as he heals, but it has been a difficult and painful path.

I have seen suffering in a fresh way.

Over and over I have been reminded of the pain that Jesus went through to rescue and save us from our sins.

As I watch my 6’2 manly, Vietnam Vet, strong Dad wince in pain, I am reminded that Jesus bore suffering too.

He willingly accepted the pain to bring us into Heaven with Him.

I keep picturing the beating, the thorns on his head, the nails in his hands and through his feet…

Keeping my eyes on The Cross and Jesus, keeps my heart at Peace.

When we share in the sufferings of Christ, we experience a closeness like none other.

Our eyes are suddenly opened to the mercy and compassion of Christ.

We have seen literal angels-doctors, nurses, friends, family- around us and been held by the very arms of Jesus during this storm.

I told my husband it almost feels like we are in a bubble. A difficult and painful season, but also a season of protection. It is hard to put into words, but it’s happening.

On my drives to see my Dad in the hospital, I have begged God to ease His pain and suffering. I have pleaded with Him.

I have devoured scripture on suffering.

Some days, I see the answer to that prayer, and other days I question why God cannot hear me.

It is a difficult thing to watch someone you love suffer.

However, I have seen God’s Hand in this over and over. Not only in this, but I have to remember and go back to that prayer journal.

The difficult times with my children, loved ones…

I have seen God bring miracles through impossible situations.

I have seen Him make paths through the thickest of wilderness.

I have seen Him move mountains that seemed immoveable.

I know that He hears my prayers.

Even when I don’t see a direct answer, in His infinite way, He is answering.

I may not see it now, but I will see it one day.

Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. Hebrews 11:1

clinging to the cross,

jill