Make a list…
It was gradual. Very gradual.
Creeping in day after day. Slowly, but surely.
My thoughts became negative. My words became negative.
Slowly, I was drifting.
Some things had happened, and it made my heart bitter. I could NOT stop thinking of the hurt.
Betrayed is the best word for how I felt. I felt betrayed by God.
HOW could He let this happen? If God loved me, why didn’t He protect me from this?
Suddenly, before I knew it, I was in a hole of ingratitude. NOTHING in my world seemed fair. And nothing seemed good.
The negative had somehow put a shadow over my heart and it was becoming colder and darker by the day.
Even the mirror reflected a face I didn’t recognize.
God’s Word says “those who look to Him are radiant and their faces are never ashamed.” Psalm 34:5
My face reflected a dark heart. A heart that had lost hope. This face was not radiance, it was bitterness.
I sat down one day on my bed and grabbed some old prayer journals.
I needed to remember. I needed to find something to grasp onto…
The journal I grabbed was from 2013…the inscription on the front cover says this:
Whatever is lovely…think about such things. Philippians 4:8
Wow. I needed that one for sure.
My thoughts were far from lovely.
Slowly, I perused the pages for this 2013 journal.
Who was this girl? I recognized my handwriting, but the words seemed foreign.
Every sentence began with praising God and thanking Him for my life and family. Every word was just so full of gratitude and hope.
In almost every passage, I included this scripture: “ Create in me a pure heart, Oh Lord, renew in me a steadfast spirit.” Psalm 51:10
Boy, I sure needed those words too! My heart was certainly not pure, or steadfast.
Tears filled my eyes as I wondered how I had gotten so far off track with my heart.
How could I have slipped so far from the words on these pages?
Life had thrown us some doozies, and I allowed the hurt and the hard to settle in. I had allowed it to bury deep….too deep.
I knew what I had to do…it was so simple. Yet, it was the farthest thing from what my flesh wanted to do.
I needed gratitude. I needed it desperately.
My focus had gotten skewed. I had missed the GOOD in the wave of hard.
I took my eyes off of Jesus and met the storm with a hypnotic stare.
The prayer journal and those words pulled my eyes and my heart back to what I needed…
I began keeping a list. A list of blessings. A list of gratitude.
From the smallest to the biggest and everything in between.
my husband
my kids
hot coffee in the early morning
hummingbirds
the little notes my daughter leaves around the house
lunch with friends
I wrote them down. I scribbled hard and fast every time something good came to mind.
It was almost like a game. How many blessings could I think of in one day? How many could I count?
At first, it was hard to see and find things to write down. However, after a few days…I could not stop thinking of blessings.
Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Philippians 4:8
Slowly, my heart began to soften. My thoughts were captured by this new discipline of seeing—making myself see—the good.
Silly, it almost seems. How one little act of writing things down could change my heart.
Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. Thessalonians 5:18
Give thanks.
In ALL circumstances.
How about you? Be honest.
Have you drifted from gratitude?
Has life been hard and your joy seems to be a distant memory?
Grab a pen. Grab some paper.
Write down your blessings. Write down things your grateful for.
Make it a practice.
It will change you.
still making my list,
jill
