Finding your purpose…
It always seems to happen this time of year.
Kids go back to school. I am left alone…again.
Honestly, it does not get easier. I don’t know who lied and said it does.
This empty feeling creeps into my heart and it feels familiar. Oh, so familiar.
I hate this feeling.
I know it well.
Summer is full. We travel, we play, we sleep in, we indulge on Netflix and lazy days.
School comes back and the routine is nice.
But, that feeling…it creeps up the neck. I shudder and I take a deep breath…
My boy and I were out on one of our long walks. We like to go just the two of us…he and I are the talkers. The deep thinkers. The deep subjects we love to explore.
My husband and my daughter like to keep the talking light…
As we were walking, I told him to enjoy this HOPE that he has in front of him. This youthful unknowing of what is ahead…the finding of his purpose.
I told him I missed that about being grown up…the thrill often seems like it has passed.
He listened intently, his eyes gazing ahead.
“I often feel…like, I don’t have a purpose now. You know, like, nobody really needs me…”
My voice trailed off and the lump in my throat grew bigger.
He kept listening.
Finally, when I took a breath, he said firmly..
“I need you, Mom. I need this. These walks. These talks. You have no idea how much I need them.”
Tears forming, lump growing larger in my throat…I nodded my head.
“Yes, darling. Yes.” I managed to speak.
He was right.
Did I not think these years were important? Did I not know how much my kids still needed me and my prayers and often just my presence?
I think when times are slower and the kids are more independent we believe the lie that we are no longer needed…
We believe our part is done.
We believe we could be easily replaced…because often we feel unnoticed.
I believe this lie sometimes.
Then, Jesus whispers to my soul…
“I have made you for such a time as this…”
The words are found in the book of Esther. I know them well.
I know each season has a purpose and a reason….
Yet, how easy I forget.
I remember about 7 years ago, I felt God calling me to pray fervently. Often during the day I would feel His nudge to stop what I was doing and pray. I had no idea why…but I did.
I vividly remember being on my knees in my closet…not really even sure what to pray for. But I prayed.
The years to follow would be hard. Very hard. One of my kids would go through a very dark spiritual battle that needed every ounce of fighting on my knees in prayer…
I had no idea at that time it was coming. I never ever imagined…
But, God knew. He knew those quiet days would not last long and those prayers would come into fruition.
When you feel like you don’t have purpose….pray.
Your purpose is so much more than who you know, where you work, what your income is, what your accomplishments are…
Your purpose is found in the faces around you. The hearts that need what only you can give them….by being the Hands and Feet of Jesus…even when you feel like you are invisible.
He sees you.
The work you are doing is Holy. Holier than any best selling novel you could write, holier than any platform you could ever speak on, holier than the grandest church in all the world…
Holiness is found in the smallest of places.
The walks with your kids.
The quiet moments in the car…and the loud.
The stirring of the soup, and the scrubbing of the pot.
Holiness is our purpose. And we are living it day in and day out.
Remind me of this when I am crumpled on the floor looking for purpose..
Gently remind me that He has called me…for such a time as this. In this place, and in this time.
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28
finding purpose,
jill
