A Quiet Place…
Rise and Shine sweet friends! We have made it through another year.
10 years ago, this idea, this notion to read God’s Word together and grow closer to Jesus stirred my heart.
I took a baby step in December of 2011. On the first day of January 2012, God did IMMEASURABLY MORE than I could ever think or imagine.
He grew this little space and He drew others to His heart through our original site, Shine Girls.
If you have been here since the beginning, 10 years ago, God bless your sweet bones.
It certainly has not always been pretty. You have watched me literally grow up before your very eyes, and I have gotten the most incredible view into many of your lives as well along the way.
My writing has changed a lot since those early days. He continues to stir my heart for His Word and His people, even when I stubbornly refuse to move forward.
He, the Gentleman that He is, whispers faintly into the deepest parts of my heart. He pursues me even when I am the most undesirable pursuit.
Much has changed in my life and in many of your lives. Marriages, divorces, babies, losses, grief, sickness, kids growing up, kids moving out, kids losing their way, church changes, job changes, housing changes….
So much has changed over the past 10 years. Friends that I once used to do everyday life with have moved on and we have sweetly parted ways. Things that I thought would NEVER change, slowly changed and unraveled.
God is FAITHFUL through it all. Nothing is useless or wasted in His Kingdom.
My wiser than his 20 years of age son said something profound recently and I keep pondering on his words…
He said, “Isn’t is funny how you don’t realize how good you have it until it is gone and you look back and realize it wasn’t so bad after all. Actually, it was good.”
There have been some HARD seasons throughout these past 10 years. Seasons I thought would never ever end.
Yet, looking back, I can see the growth that took place. The fruit that blossomed from the dry dirt of some of those seasons.
Both of my children have experienced some difficult seasons. As a mother, I would rather chop my arm off then to watch my kids suffer.
However…
The suffering brought growth. UNBELIEVABLE growth.
I remember pounding my fists on the bathroom tile floor one day crying out to God over something one of my kids was dealing with.
I told God I was disappointed in Him and that it was hard to trust Him when He would stand by and let this happen to my child.
Years down the road…I can honestly say without hesitation…that time was a gift.
“If I thank God for this very thing which is killing me, I can begin dimly and faintly to see it as a gift.” —Elisabeth Elliot “Suffering is Not For Nothing”
This child matured in ways that they never would have matured otherwise. This child grew closer to Jesus because there was no other option for peace.
Many of those hard days I wanted to provide a quick fix for their pain. I begged my husband to make some changes so that my kid did not have to suffer another ounce in this situation.
I wanted to take away their pain.
My husband, wise one that he is, knew there was no quick fix. He knew the answer was not in us jumping in and saving the day.
Jesus is our only Savior.
And until my children live that lesson out, grinding it out day by day when the seasons get hard…
They will never know their great need for Him.
Until, one day….they do.
Let’s be honest, these hard seasons were not just for my kids…my heart learned many lessons along the way.
Pride. Anger. Resentment. Bitterness. Unforgiveness. Jealousy.
Did I mention pride?
All of these things had to uproot before God was able to really make a way through the wilderness of thorns.
If our children have perfect lives, with every desire granted, everything given on a silver platter, loved by everyone and all….
They will suffer greatly as adults.
They will learn the lesson of suffering later in life and it will be much harder on them. And on us.
This is not exactly the New Years message I sat down to write. Funny how God takes over and changes course, isn’t it?
This past year, I have learned to let go.
To let go of anger…
To let go of bitterness…
To let go of unforgiveness…
To let go of trying to control outcomes and people…
To let go of my idea of “justice” and “fairness”…
To embrace lowliness of spirit…
To embrace circumstances out of my control…
To embrace the season I am in and grow through it instead of wishing my way out of it…
To embrace when God changes my course…
To embrace a quiet heart and quiet life…
If it weren’t so extremely personal to my family, I could share story after story of how God is molding my heart through all of these things.
There is a new thing happening….I feel it deep in my bones.
A quietness is taking place. A quietness of my heart and mind.
Noise has been the predominant figure for a while.
However, I feel the wave of quiet, contentment, and peace ushering in.
A settling of my heart. A surrendering of sorts. Maybe a maturing of sorts as well.
I have heard the whisper as I pick up my phone, as I crawl into bed each night, and wake up each morning. As I go about my day…routine duties….I hear a whisper of quiet.
A very faint, “Shhhh…”
I can barely hear it some days when I let my world and especially my thoughts/fears/worries get loud.
I have to lean in close and sometimes even shut my eyes to hear…
“Come to Me, all who are weary and burdened and in need of rest” Matthew 11:28
“I wait quietly before God for my victory comes from Him” Psalm 62:1
“Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life….” 1 Thessalonians 4:11
“My heart is not proud, Lord, my eyes are not haughty; I do not concern myself with great matters or things too wonderful for me. But I have calmed and quieted myself, I am like a weaned child with its mother;
like a weaned child I am content.” Psalm 131:1-2
“Silence, Be still! Suddenly the wind stopped and there was a great calm.” Mark 4:39
I have pondered these scriptures for weeks now. Reading them over and over. Saturating my heart with His Truth.
Desperately, I desire this quiet life. This life of hearing His Voice above the noise, above the hard seasons, the hard days, the disappointing days, the days when I want to crawl under a rock and never come out…
I want this to be my ambition. My goal. My gift to Him.
A quiet heart.
10 years and counting,
jill
