Welcome Home…
Years ago, I was sitting at a table in a small bible study at my church.
At the time, I had very very small children.
As we went around and shared our hearts and prayer requests, a lady in her mid-forties spoke up…
She said that she was depressed and bitter over her adult child. Her child had not been good about reaching out to her and it was hurting her feelings.
She went on to say that she had decided to not even try to reach out to them because she felt it was her adult child’s responsibility to pursue her.
With two very small children of my own, I remember feeling sorry for her. I imagined a decade or two later how my life would be. Would my children be too busy for me?
Well, here I am. Around the same age as the lady in that bible study so long ago.
My two children are out of the nest, and it is an adjustment for sure.
I have thought back to that lady in bible study so often.
If I could see her now, I would like to ask her, “how did it turn out with your kids? did they ever pursue you and call you and apologize for not being what you needed?”
When I am tempted to feel sad because my kids are not “in need” of me anymore I think back to Jesus.
How He washed His disciples feet, knowing they would turn their backs on him.
How He loved and pursued others, even when it was not returned.
How He gave His life for us…sinful, broken, foolish people. Yet, He thought we were worth the sacrifice of His life.
Also, I think back to my husband’s grandmother.
When I was overwhelmed in my days with two very small children, I would show up at her door.
NEVER once did she ask me, “Where have you been? Why haven’t you called me? Are you too busy for me?”
She would always with the biggest smile on her face, open her door, and let me in.
Quickly, she would grab pots and pans and whip up an incredible meal within minutes. I am still not sure how she did this!
As our kids grow up, move out, pursue other relationships…
We should continue to love them well.
Pursue them.
Be a safe landing for them.
Guilt throwing will never draw them home.
Guilt is deceitful and deceptive and it is not love.
Have you ever been around someone that makes you feel guilty? It is a feeling that makes your insides sick.
Our children need what the world will never ever be able to give them…
Unconditional love.
Unconditional mercy.
No strings attached love.
The parent -child relationship is a unique one. We can learn how to parent our kids well by the way our Father in Heaven has parented us.
He always pursues us.
He always treasures us.
He always forgives us.
He never holds grudges.
His door is always open.
Sometimes , we get it backwards as parents with adult children.
We often think, “What has my child done for me lately?” “I will not call them because they should call me first.”
We are punishing ourselves when we do this and we are not walking in love or truth.
“Do onto others as you would have them do onto you.” Matthew 7:12
The call of a parent is to rear their children, teach them the way to go, and pray they will never depart from it.
The call of the parent is not to exasperate their children with demands, selfish motives, and guilt.
I am still learning this day by day as my children transition to adults.
It is important that I let them know that I am here for them, no matter what.
When we show them love, regardless of how many times they reach out to us…
I believe we will bridge that gap.
Maybe not today, maybe years from now.
Just like when I would show up at Lem’s grandmother’s door step.
Babes in arms, exhausted, and just needing someone just to love me where I was and a ear to listen.
She was there.
Always.
Without fail.
I want to be this for my children. I want to be the door they come knocking on when life is hard and the world is cruel.
I want to show love and be love when they most desperately need it. I don’t want them running to another door because they don’t want to hear all my guilt throwing and complaints.
Our kids are living in a different world than we grew up in. Distractions upon distractions. Pressures upon pressures. They are dealing with things that were not a part of our young adult/teenage lives.
We need to ask God to give us wisdom in how to pray for them, and for God to protect them from the snares of the enemy.
A mother’s prayers are powerful! Mother’s can shake heaven faster than anyone.
Nurturing our children comes in different forms as our kids grow up, but they really never grow out of needing their mothers. Whether it is our ears to listen, our time, our prayers, our warm meals…they will always need us to love them well.
I always thought Lem’s grandmother just loved us being around her. It seemed like it was the greatest thing in the world just to be able to love and serve us.
My prayer is that my children will think the same of me as they grow up, have their own families, and move away.
May they always think that it is a JOY to love them, open my door to them, and serve them.
Just as Jesus washed the feet of his disciples knowing the rejection that was coming, may we desire to do the same with our children.
Love them well.
No matter what.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8
Do everything in love. 1 Corinthians 16:14
Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Ephesians: 4:2
My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. John 15:12
Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. Romans 12:10
The biggest tool to help us love our children well is prayer and God’s Word. He will show us the way. He will teach us. He will give us godly wisdom.
He is the best Teacher.
motherhood never ends,
jill
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