Are you lonesome tonight?
“And he said, “My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.” Exodus 33:14
I have this problem.
Until now, I have been completely unaware of it.
Here is the thing...
I get up early and read my bible. Every single morning.
I pray. I journal.
My day begins about an hour later.
The day goes on.
I talk to Jesus. A lot.
I talk about Jesus. A lot.
But, there is something I have discovered.
I don't like to be alone. Ever.
Really. Like, ever ever ever ehhhhhhhhverrr.
It is kind of a joke in my family. If my husband goes out of town, I have it all lined up for me and the kids to go somewhere. To be with people.
Something about the quiet....it makes me feel strange.
Anxious.
As long as people are in the house with me, I am good.
As soon as they leave, I have to find something to do. More often than not, I just leave and find someone to be with.
My whole life. This has been my story.
However, recently, the Lord has opened my eyes to this pattern. This fear of being alone. This fear of being by myself for more than an hour or so.
Perhaps, this is why I write.
I feel like someone is with me. Reading along. Talking. Listening with me.
It helps the loneliness disappear.
Not that I am lonely....
But scared of being alone.
So, God is working with me on this.
Day by day.
One baby step at a time.
My oldest will be going away to college this Fall.
God is preparing my heart. I can feel it.
I think about Abraham and Sarah.
We have been reading about them in Genesis.
God had big plans for them. A child! Many descendants!
But, they just could not be still and wait.
They just kept making their own plans, doing things their own way--hello, Hagar--and everything just kept falling apart.
Stillness eluded them.
I understand.
So very much.
How about you?
Is quiet deafening to your ears?
Is it easier to be in a loud noisy environment because at least you have people around you?
Or, maybe you are quite the opposite. Craving some stillness and alone time. Wishing you could escape to a private island--I can see my mother raising her hand. She and I are quite opposite on this!
Whatever the case may be....
Let's learn to get comfortable wherever we are.
Whether in the crowd, or in the quiet.
His seasons are for a purpose.
We grow in these uncomfortable places.
We become in tune with Him because we are desperate for Him to comfort us here in these places.
A friend told me recently that God took her through a season of sitting through her grief. Instead of escaping the pain of her grief, He taught her to sit still through it. Acknowledge it. Accept it. Sit with it.
I am trying to apply the same principal with my fear of being alone.
Acknowledging it. Accepting it. Sitting with it.
Knowing God will stretch me--drawing me even closer to Him. Feeling the comfort of His Presence in a whole new way.
Oh, friend.
Wherever you are...
Be where you are.
Try not to run from it.
Try not to wish it away.
Sit with Jesus.
He is with you.
Will you remind me of this too?
finding rest in being alone,
jill
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